I love Christmas (you’re all shocked, I know). I would give up birthdays for the rest of my life for one Christmas season. I have always loved Christmas, but the last few holiday seasons have come when I needed it most, when I really don’t know how I would have made it through if I didn’t have Christmas to look forward to.

Now, as much as I love Christmas, and as much as it’s helped me through those otherwise very bleak times in my life, Christmas has also brought with it some big letdowns…I mean come on, is a pony really too much to ask for? No but seriously, for the last few years, Christmas was also the time of year for facing up to the fact that despite how earnestly I had wished that by next Christmas I would be healthy, I still wasn’t.

Christmas is the time of year when the whole world sort of turns into a greeting card. I love a good dose of cheesiness as much as the next person. Actually, that’s a lie; I love a good dose of cheesiness more than the next person, but one type of holiday wish always contributed to the letdown…

Wishes for a healthy and happy new year!

Health and happiness to you and your loved ones this holiday season!

Blah blah blah healthy and happy blah blah blah!

Health and happiness join forces as a very common wish this time of year. They are kind of the peanut butter and jelly of the Christmas card world. Heck, I’m sure I’ve wished the pair countless times in the past. I’m a sucker for alliteration so I can’t help liking how they sound together, especially when you add the word holiday to the mix.

Yet, each year when I would write Christmas cards and wish people health and happiness, and each year when I would open Christmas cards wishing me the same, I was faced with the disappointment that another year had gone by and I still wasn’t healthy. And then I would once again spend the next year wishing and waiting for that magical holiday combination of health and happiness to find me. Basically, I was waiting for my life to turn into one of the made-for-TV Christmas movies I spent all day watching. But all that wishing and waiting and disappointment? It was exhausting.

I was really sick last Christmas. Well guess what? I’m still really sick. Sure I’m better in some ways, but I’m also worse in some ways. Mostly I’m just more used to everything so I’m a lot better at faking my way through it.

Bummer, I know.

But wait, it gets better.

This is the first year since I was first sick six Christmases ago that I’m not disappointed to not be healthier than I am. I spent all those years wishing and waiting to be healthier because I thought that I needed better health to make me happy. Here’s what I’ve come to learn, though – one does not depend on the other. Don’t get me wrong, being healthy and happy at the same time is wonderful! However, there are a lot of people in the world who are healthy and not happy. And there are a lot of people in the world who are happy even though they aren’t healthy.

I know because I’m one of them.

I’m not waiting to be healthy anymore. All that waiting was actually getting in the way of me being happy. I don’t need to be healthy; I can be happy anyway.

I am happy anyway.

Of course I would love to be healthy, too! Who doesn’t like peanut butter and jelly? And being healthy is definitely something to be happy about. But it’s not the only thing.

Now, don’t get the wrong idea here and think that being sick sounds like a good way to find happiness. It’s not like that. And it drives me crazy when people don’t appreciate their health and don’t take care of themselves, so if you start to throw your health away I will probably hit your head against the wall…except not actually because what if you got a concussion? Then I would be the one contributing to your compromised health and I wouldn’t want that. No heads against the wall then…instead I’ll just stare you down and I don’t want to brag or anything, but I do a pretty good stare down. But this is off topic…

Anyway, health is not the only thing to be happy about. Today I’m happy that my sister gave me some rolls of life savers. I’m also happy that I had enough energy to drive myself to go drop off a Christmas present for my favourite doctor. I’m happy that I got to spend some time catching up with one of my friends via text this morning. I’m happy that my cousin Nicole helped me pick colours for my next crochet project. Oh, and I’m happy that my favourite sweater was clean so I could wear it.

Happiness is about making all those little things you’ve got count for more than the big things you don’t. It’s about loving what have, not having it all.

Yes, peanut butter and jelly are a classic combination, and health and happiness together are lovely, but let’s be honest here, peanut butter tastes pretty damn good all on its own.

So to all of you wonderful people reading this, you make me happy. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for following along and being part of this with me. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and may your holiday be full of…

Peanut butter 🙂

P.S. No I didn’t eat the peanut butter! Yikes. The temptation was worth the photo opportunity!